My bus isn't until 3am so I spend a large part of the evening drinking coffee & finally uploading my large cache of photos. I leave the hostel just in time to catch the last night bus, which will bring me just outside of Terminal 1 at the airport. That gives me about an hour to wait before catching the overnight bus to Barcelona. Nearly 12 hours later, I make my way to the hostel just as check in begins. I settle in, do a load of laundry, shower and nap. I wake up refreshed and ready to watch the Olympics opening ceremony over tapas y cafe con leche. THAT'S how it was SUPPOSED to go.
But I am still at the airport..in Nice..in France. I made it to Terminal 1 by 2am. Bus didn't leave until 3:15. True there weren't as many people as I was anticipating but I did spy a couple of people dozing near the door with backpacks by their side. And even though I was standing under a door with a stenciled picture of a bus and the same words that were on my bus ticket "Gare Routiere" in big block letters next to it, apparently, I was supposed to be across the street.
I really have to learn French.
So now it's 18 hours later and I'm still in this airport but now with a reservation on the 10:55pm to Barcelona which costs more than double what the bus cost. To be exact, because of a
Wifi/computer glitch, I have 3 reservations for this flight and as many charges to my debit card. I spent the afternoon practicing the phrase "si vous plait, je ne parle Francaise, parle vous Anglais" before being transferred to someone else and getting to practice some more bad French.
I am surprisingly non-homicidal.
I have had lesser deviations throw me on this trip. Maybe it's the fact that I've been working on my tan for the past 4 days or the utter absurdity of it all or maybe I am settling into the unpredictability of this trip. The best laid plans...what can go wrong inevitably will...the only constant is change...
I've had my moments today. After spending over an hour on the phone trying to sort out my reservation only to be told not to worry and they would cancel my reservation when they found it...(but how would they find it and let me know when they didn't take any info from me?)...I made a beeline for the newspaper stand and comforted myself with a can of Pringles & some Malteasers. But I got back up, dusted the crumbs of my chest and went back to the phones. Nothing has been settled. But I am here. And I have a seat. And I will get to Barcelona & probably spend some time at the airport there. It's been a long day and a hard day and it's not over. But I am here. And I'm not grumpy or angry or twisted up from the inside out. And that is a gift. It wasn't how it was supposed to go but it was a good day nonetheless.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
LONDON TOWN
As it was the 1st stop on the European leg of my world tour and a city I have been longing to visit for a while, I took a lot of pictures in London...here is the best of what I saw.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Mona Lisa Smile
I have saved my visit to the Louvre for the end of my trip in Paris. Mostly, I planned it this way but also I have struggled here in Paris (more on that later). Paris is grand in every sense of the word and though I traveled to large cities before; c'mon I lived in New
York for 10 years, Paris is larger than life and overwhelming and it's hard to wrap my head around it.
Nowhere is this more evident than the Louvre. It's huge and filled with more artwork than one can possibly contemplate in a lifetime much less a day. So I decided to break it up into manageable bites. And I go straight for the meaty center. That's how I find myself making my way past the throng for the first time at 5pm on a Wednesday; practically a week into my stay. I've come late in the day to see the "highlights", the best of, the top 10. Then tomorrow I can arrive and lazily stroll around knowing I won't miss any of the "biggies".
First up, obviously, the Mona Lisa or more properly, La Giaconda. I brace myself, literally & figuratively. I'm hoping there will be a small mob as opposed to a stadium sized crowd as I've come at the end of the day. Just a quick look to say I've done it and move on, I say to myself. I'm already geared up for disappointment. I mean, this is an image i have seen..who knows how many times. Also, Ive heard, in person, it's small and behind glass and you have to jockey for position among the hoards. All this is true, although it's actually larger than I had imagined in my head. Also, it's spectacular. This is an image I have seen hundreds of times in my life and think I know intimately. Even so, I am surprised when I see her. It's familiar yet completely new. I had often wondered why out of all the wonderful paintings daVinci did, and I have seen many, why was the Mona Lisa the most enduring? And then I stood in front of her and it made me emotional. All around me people were snapping pictures and I wanted to shout,"what are you people doing!" I have stacks of pictures of this image and now know no camera lens can capture it. And so I stand and I stare and she stares back. And I smile and she's smiling back. And even though the 20th person elbows me out of their shot, I feel like ML and I sharing a private moment, a secret and it fills me with emotion and I feel like if I let myself I could cry right now, let go the way you can with a good friend. Hello art, old friend. Thanks for the warm hug.
http://www.lairweb.org.nz/leonardo/monalisa.jpg
York for 10 years, Paris is larger than life and overwhelming and it's hard to wrap my head around it.
Nowhere is this more evident than the Louvre. It's huge and filled with more artwork than one can possibly contemplate in a lifetime much less a day. So I decided to break it up into manageable bites. And I go straight for the meaty center. That's how I find myself making my way past the throng for the first time at 5pm on a Wednesday; practically a week into my stay. I've come late in the day to see the "highlights", the best of, the top 10. Then tomorrow I can arrive and lazily stroll around knowing I won't miss any of the "biggies".
First up, obviously, the Mona Lisa or more properly, La Giaconda. I brace myself, literally & figuratively. I'm hoping there will be a small mob as opposed to a stadium sized crowd as I've come at the end of the day. Just a quick look to say I've done it and move on, I say to myself. I'm already geared up for disappointment. I mean, this is an image i have seen..who knows how many times. Also, Ive heard, in person, it's small and behind glass and you have to jockey for position among the hoards. All this is true, although it's actually larger than I had imagined in my head. Also, it's spectacular. This is an image I have seen hundreds of times in my life and think I know intimately. Even so, I am surprised when I see her. It's familiar yet completely new. I had often wondered why out of all the wonderful paintings daVinci did, and I have seen many, why was the Mona Lisa the most enduring? And then I stood in front of her and it made me emotional. All around me people were snapping pictures and I wanted to shout,"what are you people doing!" I have stacks of pictures of this image and now know no camera lens can capture it. And so I stand and I stare and she stares back. And I smile and she's smiling back. And even though the 20th person elbows me out of their shot, I feel like ML and I sharing a private moment, a secret and it fills me with emotion and I feel like if I let myself I could cry right now, let go the way you can with a good friend. Hello art, old friend. Thanks for the warm hug.
http://www.lairweb.org.nz/leonardo/monalisa.jpg
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Hiding
Just finished walking through the Anne Frank house. I'm now in the cafe enjoying a warm cup of tea. Outside is cold and rainy. I'm grateful for the cafe at the end of the museum, not only for the shelter and tea but as a place to regroup, collect my thoughts and become human again after touring the museum. To call it it a museum is really a misnomer. It is a haunted house. That's the best way I can describe it. When you go to the museum you don't enter the house straight away. There is a space next door, connected, that you enter through and a small exhibit of artifacts from Anne's life before the war and before she went into hiding, as well as artifacts from the time. You know when you have entered the house. I am certain I would be able to tell even if I was led in blindfolded. It's cold. The air is thick. My chest closed up tight and it felt like I couldn't relax until I was out. Standing in line waiting to get in, the enormity of what I was about to see hit me. This is a real place. Real people lived, no, were trapped and tried to live here, for 2 years. The place is unfurnished, as requested by Otto Frank, Anne's father and the only one hidden to have survived the war. There are pictures and artifacts and moving video portraits but the emptiness pervades and lends a ghostly air. I wanted to weep openly but instead continued blink wildly, dab at my eyes, sniffle and keep some sort of composure. There were a couple of things that particularly moved me.
-A yellow star mandatory for all Jews to wear browned from time and frayed at the edges
-the wallpaper in Anne's room decorated with clippings of celebrities like Ginger Rogers & Sonia Henie and a picture of monkeys at a table
-a video of Otto taken in 1967 describing getting Anne's diary back by saying "After I heard the news that my children would not come back"
-And pages from Anne's notebooks; in her handwriting.
The actual diary is not here; just a replica. The original is somewhere safe in a temperature controlled environment. Everything else remains protected behind glass. Still I couldn't help but reach out and touch the glass; the need to connect, feel, have contact with this story and with the people was so strong in me.
Standing in the middle of these tiny rooms I tried to imagine the daily life of being hidden for 2 years in such an extreme way; how anything can become the the new normal. Anne Frank's father made a comment in his video about how much about Anne's writing surprised him. Its depth and emotion making him realize he barely knew the girl he literally spent 24/7 with for 2 straight years. Even Anne confides in one of the first entries how she hopes this diary will be something she opens up to more than anything or anyone she ever has. It made me think about all the ways in which we as people hide ourselves. Whether with make-up or clothes or people or relationships, sometimes it can seem easier to hide. I am in no way trying to compare hiding from the Nazis to hiding from ending a bad relationship
or hiding from expressing any part of yourself. It's that when faced with the remnants of someone literally having to hide themselves away because of who
they are for fear of death, one can truly see the absurdity of hiding from anything less than that. The legacy that Anne created (as well as the incredible people around her) just by expressing her true self is an inspiration and just as important as the legacy of tolerance her writings leave behind.
-A yellow star mandatory for all Jews to wear browned from time and frayed at the edges
-the wallpaper in Anne's room decorated with clippings of celebrities like Ginger Rogers & Sonia Henie and a picture of monkeys at a table
-a video of Otto taken in 1967 describing getting Anne's diary back by saying "After I heard the news that my children would not come back"
-And pages from Anne's notebooks; in her handwriting.
The actual diary is not here; just a replica. The original is somewhere safe in a temperature controlled environment. Everything else remains protected behind glass. Still I couldn't help but reach out and touch the glass; the need to connect, feel, have contact with this story and with the people was so strong in me.
Standing in the middle of these tiny rooms I tried to imagine the daily life of being hidden for 2 years in such an extreme way; how anything can become the the new normal. Anne Frank's father made a comment in his video about how much about Anne's writing surprised him. Its depth and emotion making him realize he barely knew the girl he literally spent 24/7 with for 2 straight years. Even Anne confides in one of the first entries how she hopes this diary will be something she opens up to more than anything or anyone she ever has. It made me think about all the ways in which we as people hide ourselves. Whether with make-up or clothes or people or relationships, sometimes it can seem easier to hide. I am in no way trying to compare hiding from the Nazis to hiding from ending a bad relationship
or hiding from expressing any part of yourself. It's that when faced with the remnants of someone literally having to hide themselves away because of who
they are for fear of death, one can truly see the absurdity of hiding from anything less than that. The legacy that Anne created (as well as the incredible people around her) just by expressing her true self is an inspiration and just as important as the legacy of tolerance her writings leave behind.
Monday, July 9, 2012
London Fog
It's drizzling...
of course it is...
It's London...in July.
Apparently grey is the norm for summer in the city.
I am standing in the groundling line waiting to storm the standing room only space in front of Shakespeare's Globe Theatre..not THE Globe of course...but a faithful recreation of the original which was demolished by the Puritans in 14whatever. Still, it's exciting. In a hour or so I'll be watching some amazingly talented English actors perform "The Taming of the Shrew" while standing outside in a pit for 3 hours..totally worth the £5 I paid (about $8). Tomorrow will be my last full day in London & I'm hoping to catch another performance..perhaps a musical this time. When I first arrived in London I wandered from my hotel through the streets of the city. As if by internal beacon, I found myself smack dab in the middle of the theatre district. And so I got a £15 discount ticket to The 39 Steps; A slapstick retro play based on a Hitchcock film and done with 4 actors playing all 100 or so parts. I sat in my seat and as the house lights dimmed and the curtain opened, I felt my eyes well up full of tears...of joy. Later that week as I heard the first few notes of the Westminster Abbey Chorale fill, then echo across the high ceilings and stone walls, a similar swell of emotion. I anticipate it happening tonight.
I used to be an artist; perhaps I still am. There is definitely some unfinished business there. I had aspirations to be a theater actor; a singer; to connect with others through performance the way it connects with me. That deep, gutteral, emotional connection that cuts through reason and punches right in the gut. But fear kept me from giving it a fair chance. I took a break, went to school, went to therapy. I worked on myself hoping to unlock the prison door that kept me from fully expressing this part of who I was. I learned so much about myself and shed a lot of trauma from my childhood that was festering inside me. But I didn't go back to the theater. I don't know why exactly. No matter how much I have loved my work as a massage therapist, I continue to have this nagging that there is a missing piece to my life. But when I try to listen to it; I realize there is still fear.
When I found music and acting, it was an escape for me; a place where I could be someone else. I grew up in a dysfunctional family where a child was seen & not heard, where emotions were never discussed much less shown and where the rod was never spared even if the child was spoiled. The stage was a place of freedom. It was a place where I could reveal myself and be as expressive as I wanted; safely shrouded in the artifice of a role or a song. I wasn't me yet felt more alive than I ever felt in my reality.
As an adult that's all been reversed. Being on stage makes me feel exposed, vulnerable. The voice is my own even if the words are someone else's. I am revealed and there is nothing to hide behind. And I am still scared.I know that if I can give this part of me permission to express itself, my life will profoundly change. The particulars remain fuzzy. So for now I watch and listen and learn all the while knowing that while this adventure may be about seeing the world; it is not about remaining a spectator.
of course it is...
It's London...in July.
Apparently grey is the norm for summer in the city.
I am standing in the groundling line waiting to storm the standing room only space in front of Shakespeare's Globe Theatre..not THE Globe of course...but a faithful recreation of the original which was demolished by the Puritans in 14whatever. Still, it's exciting. In a hour or so I'll be watching some amazingly talented English actors perform "The Taming of the Shrew" while standing outside in a pit for 3 hours..totally worth the £5 I paid (about $8). Tomorrow will be my last full day in London & I'm hoping to catch another performance..perhaps a musical this time. When I first arrived in London I wandered from my hotel through the streets of the city. As if by internal beacon, I found myself smack dab in the middle of the theatre district. And so I got a £15 discount ticket to The 39 Steps; A slapstick retro play based on a Hitchcock film and done with 4 actors playing all 100 or so parts. I sat in my seat and as the house lights dimmed and the curtain opened, I felt my eyes well up full of tears...of joy. Later that week as I heard the first few notes of the Westminster Abbey Chorale fill, then echo across the high ceilings and stone walls, a similar swell of emotion. I anticipate it happening tonight.
I used to be an artist; perhaps I still am. There is definitely some unfinished business there. I had aspirations to be a theater actor; a singer; to connect with others through performance the way it connects with me. That deep, gutteral, emotional connection that cuts through reason and punches right in the gut. But fear kept me from giving it a fair chance. I took a break, went to school, went to therapy. I worked on myself hoping to unlock the prison door that kept me from fully expressing this part of who I was. I learned so much about myself and shed a lot of trauma from my childhood that was festering inside me. But I didn't go back to the theater. I don't know why exactly. No matter how much I have loved my work as a massage therapist, I continue to have this nagging that there is a missing piece to my life. But when I try to listen to it; I realize there is still fear.
When I found music and acting, it was an escape for me; a place where I could be someone else. I grew up in a dysfunctional family where a child was seen & not heard, where emotions were never discussed much less shown and where the rod was never spared even if the child was spoiled. The stage was a place of freedom. It was a place where I could reveal myself and be as expressive as I wanted; safely shrouded in the artifice of a role or a song. I wasn't me yet felt more alive than I ever felt in my reality.
As an adult that's all been reversed. Being on stage makes me feel exposed, vulnerable. The voice is my own even if the words are someone else's. I am revealed and there is nothing to hide behind. And I am still scared.I know that if I can give this part of me permission to express itself, my life will profoundly change. The particulars remain fuzzy. So for now I watch and listen and learn all the while knowing that while this adventure may be about seeing the world; it is not about remaining a spectator.
Going back to Cali...road trip 2012
Pics from my California adventure with one of my favorite people in the universe, my wonderful, intelligent and inspiring friend April. There's no one I would rather be stuck in a car with. Click on "view these pictures larger" to see all the action.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Feeling love-The Farewell Tour
There is so much love. It's overwhelming. There's not enough room for it all and so my heart stretches and it starts to hurt; like when you laugh too hard. I knew I had friends. I've always had friends.
After leaving Niagara, I made stops. Visits with friends. But instead of seeing friends, I felt love. I felt loved. There were old friends & new friends; dear friends & acquaintances. People I spoke to often; others I hadn't seen in years. People who were expecting me & others who made time for me with little to no notice. Some I spent an hour with & some I spent days with. Some who were kind and gentle; some who knew me well enough to throw some (much needed) punches. I can't believe I have all these people and all this love around me. It's such a cliche. I often find myself rolling my eyes when I think it but I feel truly BLESSED. My heart has cracked open and is bursting with emotion. This is a good place to start. Broken, in all the right places.
I am embarking on an adventure. I am excited. I am ready. I know it will change me and see that it already has. Change is birth. Change is death. I recognize as I move forward, I will need to leave some things; people, relationships, thoughts, stories, dreams. There are things I cling to that I not serving me. In order to grab a hold of the things coming my way, I've got to let go of something. And so, although I am happy and excited...there are tears. Although I can't stop grinning from ear to ear...there is sadness. Beginnings & Endings. There will be too many to count on this voyage. Gonna strap myself in and let this ride begin.
After leaving Niagara, I made stops. Visits with friends. But instead of seeing friends, I felt love. I felt loved. There were old friends & new friends; dear friends & acquaintances. People I spoke to often; others I hadn't seen in years. People who were expecting me & others who made time for me with little to no notice. Some I spent an hour with & some I spent days with. Some who were kind and gentle; some who knew me well enough to throw some (much needed) punches. I can't believe I have all these people and all this love around me. It's such a cliche. I often find myself rolling my eyes when I think it but I feel truly BLESSED. My heart has cracked open and is bursting with emotion. This is a good place to start. Broken, in all the right places.
I am embarking on an adventure. I am excited. I am ready. I know it will change me and see that it already has. Change is birth. Change is death. I recognize as I move forward, I will need to leave some things; people, relationships, thoughts, stories, dreams. There are things I cling to that I not serving me. In order to grab a hold of the things coming my way, I've got to let go of something. And so, although I am happy and excited...there are tears. Although I can't stop grinning from ear to ear...there is sadness. Beginnings & Endings. There will be too many to count on this voyage. Gonna strap myself in and let this ride begin.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Toronto...Through my eyes...
Finally! Got some time in front of a computer so please click the link below to see the sights of Toronto...at least as I saw them.
Much Love!
-Cristina
TORONTO PICS
Much Love!
-Cristina
TORONTO PICS
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Finding my Buddha smile on the banks of the Niagara...
| The Stupa containing 10,000 small buddha statues & other relics |
Who'da thunk that I would find a Buddhist Temple in Niagara Falls of all places? It's not all that surprising that the natural beauty that is the falls inspires the spirit. After all, I had felt it myself not only in front of the falls but exploring further down the river. Having done the "strip" with the Falls and the ferris wheel and the souvenir shops, I rented a bike and ventured away from it all to the opposite end of the Niagara River; hoping for some quiet reflection and interaction with nature.
I had heard about the whirlpool area of the River and a hiking path that would take you all the way down to the water's edge. I set out early in hopes of avoiding anybody else. The weather was amazing; bright, clear and sunny with a crisp fresh cool in the air; something I had come to miss during my time of never-ending hot sunny Caribbean days. There is something about feeling the warmth of the sun on your face and the tickle of cool air on your skin that makes you feel vibrant and alive. The hike down to the water was beautiful. The canopy of trees allowing glistening pockets of sun to peek through and illuminate the rocks. The earth was soft and squishy below my feet. The path led me down, down and then out to a clearing...
Wow.
| The whirlpool |
The sun, the air, the view...the solitude. How is it that when you are alone in nature; sometimes that is when you feel the most connected?
I haven't meditated in a while. Sat down and made the effort to sit. It had become an effort. It seemed like such a chore, such a heavy thing. And so I haven't…in a long while. But when I reached the clearing that opened up to the "whirlpool"; I was inspired. I spent over an hour there, by myself. I wasn't meditating the entire time although everything I did from that moment forward was meditative. I took pictures, dipped my feet in the brisk water, practiced yoga poses on the rocks, sat and watched how the sunlight played on top of the water's surface and finally meditated. 20 minutes of stillness…well…I'm lucky if I found 20 seconds of actual stillness but the practice felt…glorious.
I am not an expert. I consider myself a novice at best. But following are some thoughts I had while meditating:
Sometimes (ok almost always) it's hard to quiet your mind enough to feel like you are even in the moment. When I find that my mind must concentrate on something that will hold the attention more than breath, I listen. I concentrate on noticing each new sound. It gives my mind something to do other than chase thoughts and I find I can actually be in the moment by experiencing the sound and silence around me.
When I was meditating by Niagara; this technique was really helpful. I noticed the roaring of the rapids, constant but distant. Right at my feet, I also heard water but it was the gentle lapping by the shoreline of water tapping the rocks. I suddenly felt like the roaring of the rapids in the distance was like life; the sound of loud, constant movement and that the gentle lapping was my inner stillness. The "rapids" in life are usually what grabs our attention, especially if we put ourselves in the thick of it. The noise can be deafening. So much so that we don't even realize that there is a place at the water's edge where the pace slows to create a peace and tranquility in its soundscape. That place is accessible within ourselves. The outside doesn't change. The rapids are there; roaring; calling out for attention. But the gentle lapping, although softer, is closer and is more aligned with our true nature. The goal is to make the peaceful lapping louder and let the rapids fade into white noise.
| "paddling" in the Niagara River |
| downward dog on the rocks |
| getting my meditation on! |
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Better than Disneyland!
I decided to come to Niagara Falls to basically kill time and check off another box on my "places I've been, things I've seen" list. It's not a place I was dying to get to or have always wanted to see but I'm leaving feeling this may be the most perfect place on earth. I'll definitely be back.
It's odd I haven't been here before. Growing up in the Northeast, Niagara Falls feels like one of those places that I should have been to on a Girl Scout trip or a school trip or a weekend getaway. I imagined it like the Poconos or Atlantic City; kitschy, depressed, more tourist trap than destination. That's not to say that Niagara is nothing like that. Walking down the newly revived Queen St. in downtown Niagara this evening looking for a spot to eat yielded more "closed" & "for lease" signs than actual establishments. And the Mr. Sub (a clear rip-off of Subway) that I finally settled into for a tasty veggie 6" had at least 20 kids outside doing bike tricks on the handrail and steps.
Still that's all part of the personality of Niagara. It is part depression era town, part slick amusement park/tourist trap & part natural wonder; all co-existing in perfect harmony. Obviously, the falls take center stage...as they should. I was expecting to be underwhelmed. I thought I would see an ok waterfall surrounded by tacky souvenir shops and hundreds of places to buy a Jumbo Hot Dog. And yes, all that is there in droves but the falls...wow. It is awesome. As in the true definition. As in awe inspiring. I felt expansive, soaring. It was majestic. I found I was literally singing the Star Spangled Banner to myself in my head. Even though I was in Canada! I could have passed a whole day just watching the waters rush over the falls from every possible vantage point and the light bounce off the water and the mist at every possible time of day. But there was no need. There's loads to do.
The Canadian side of the falls has very extensive public park space that is impeccably maintained. I rented a bike and made my way north, away from the epicenter of the falls and found NATURE! Bike trails and hiking trails and a natural whirlpool and a botanic garden and wineries and lots more. A place that I thought I could completely exhaust in 48 hours has become a wonderland of hidden treasures. Even the gaudy amusement park feel of Clifton Hill with its flashy neon signs touting Ruby Tuesday! & Starbucks! coupled with the constant noise and movement of the animatronic mascots of Ripley's Believe it or Not and Louis Tussaud's Waxworks (the lesser known of the Tussauds) only serve to add to the appeal of this special place. This is a place best explained in pictures so here are a few teasers of my time so far. Tomorrow I visit another personality of this border town - spiritual center. Apparently, there is a Buddhist Temple about a 3 minute walk from here. Who knew...
The Canadian side of the falls has very extensive public park space that is impeccably maintained. I rented a bike and made my way north, away from the epicenter of the falls and found NATURE! Bike trails and hiking trails and a natural whirlpool and a botanic garden and wineries and lots more. A place that I thought I could completely exhaust in 48 hours has become a wonderland of hidden treasures. Even the gaudy amusement park feel of Clifton Hill with its flashy neon signs touting Ruby Tuesday! & Starbucks! coupled with the constant noise and movement of the animatronic mascots of Ripley's Believe it or Not and Louis Tussaud's Waxworks (the lesser known of the Tussauds) only serve to add to the appeal of this special place. This is a place best explained in pictures so here are a few teasers of my time so far. Tomorrow I visit another personality of this border town - spiritual center. Apparently, there is a Buddhist Temple about a 3 minute walk from here. Who knew...
Below..the many faces of Niagara Falls...
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Photo Album: DR
Hey everyone!
Click on the link below to see all the pictures from my week in the Dominican Republic...
RTW2012 PHOTO ALBUM: Domincan Republic
Click on the link below to see all the pictures from my week in the Dominican Republic...
RTW2012 PHOTO ALBUM: Domincan Republic
Monday, June 11, 2012
Lessons from the mountaintop...
| The entrance to Rancho Wendy |
Rancho Wendy also made me acutely aware of "privilege". Noone was anything but welcoming and kind; still at times, I felt like the rich white girl trying to "hang" with the locals. At a place like Rancho Wendy It's easy to forget you are basically at a hotel. It's hard to separate friendliness from business when you are essentially living, sleeping and eating in someone's modest home. When I arrived, Ramona, the owner, greeted me warmly; thankful that my Spanish was good enough to understand & be understood. She offered me a coffee. We sat at the dining room table drinking coffee & chatting. Then her sister and nieces and nephews arrived. Everyone moved outside. Sitting in the yard, kids running around, the glorious green mountains surrounding us; I felt at home. Then it hit me. Los Quemadas was the Latin Doppleganger of Chuisano San Domenico; my family's hometown in Italy and the place I spent many a wonderful summer growing up. The language, the food, the characters may have been different but the movement and feeling was distinctly familiar. I got comfortable there real quick, which is why I did not hesitate when Tinga asked if I wanted to take a ride with him on his motor scooter.
After a morning of hiking throughout the valley with my guide Carlos, I was spending the afternoon uploading and organizing my photos when Tinga arrived. The three of us, Carlos, Tinga and I, sat around the computer as I shared with them pictures from my earlier travels in Cabarete, the beaches of the Turks & Caicos and finally pictures of Chuisano; which I told them reminded me very much of Los Quemados.
"If you like the mountains and like to take beautiful pictures, I know a place very close to here. I can take you on my motor if you like."
It was late, nearly 5 in the afternoon.
"I don't know. Maybe tomorrow." I replied, " How long does it take?"
"Today, tomorrow if you want. It's only a half hour there and back."
"Oh, ok then. Let's go."
Tinga went for his scooter and then took me on the road and up the mountain. We stopped every so often at a clearing so that I could take advantage of the photo op. He chatted to me about a tourist who had been here years ago who became his girlfriend for 3 years and about his work in Santo Domingo and that he would be going back there in the morning. I wondered on the way back if I should give him some money for gas. After all, it had been a lovely & unexpected offer. We got back and I thanked Tinga for the ride but not before getting his email address so I could send him some photos from our ride. He disappeared and only later that evening did I remember I had not offered him any money to cover his gas costs.
The next morning Ramona came up to me at breakfast and timidly asked if I had enjoyed my ride in the mountains the day before. "Yes, very much"; I replied. She then went on to tell me that Tinga had asked her to get my "payment" from me for the ride and also explained to me that while Tinga had been employed as a Rancho Wendy guide in the past; he no longer worked for them.
I felt of surge of hot anger. Tinga had never, not before or after our ride, asked or spoke to me about payment. His proposal was nonchalant & friendly. He was sneaky, making me feel like he was offering me a ride when he was actually booking a private tour!
I felt a wave of guilt. How stupid could I be? Of course he wanted compensation. He had done something nice for me and I hadn't even offered anything in exchange. I should have at least given him something for gas. Here I am flaunting my digital camera and my laptop computer and I don't even give a poor Dominican kid a cent for taking time out to show me the countryside.
Then again, It's not very honest or sincere or kind to not be upfront about what is going on. If you expect payment for something you should 1. be direct and ask for it before you provide your service and 2. don't disappear without a word and make someone else do the dirty work for you.
My mind was spinning. I was right…about both things. Vasillating between anger and guilt, I wanted to find a comfortable space, a specific black or white answer as to how I should feel. But reality lives in shades of grey and for the rest of my time in the Dominican I felt those opposing forces playing with my thoughts. A day later, in the middle of a grueling hike, sitting in a little shack, where a local family offered some respite from the sun I pulled out my "sandwich", a hotdog bun with 2 crusty orange pieces of cheese barely filling 2/3rds of the bun's surface and chugged my bottled water. I suddenly felt like I was eating steak & lobster in the middle of a homeless shelter. I offered some of the remaining cheese and buns which were gratefully accepted but that did little to quell the uncomfortable knot in my stomach. Or sitting here, now, in this cramped mini-van that passes for a bus, the bright red $100 backpack stuffed to the gills in front of me might as well be emblazoned with the familiar & stylish LV's of a Louis Vuitton luggage set.
I don't know what the answers are. I'm sure there are days I will feel like a poor vagabond traveler and those where my meager belongings will seem like an embarrassment of riches. I set off with the egocentric goal of "figuring myself out" but I am also a person in the world, interacting with the world and the world is not gonna just sit quietly and be a background player to my turn as star of this journey.
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| my room at Rancho Wendy |
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| Ramona fixing one of her delicious "cafecitos" |
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| Tinga *aka* Jose Antonio |
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| The beautiful mountain view....and me! |
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
On the road in La Repubblica Dominicana
Traveling on the cheap is a practice in patience. I write this while waiting for a little shack to open up so that I can figure out if, when & how I will get to the lodge i am supposed to arrive at this afternoon. Rancho Wendy had a pretty professional looking website; written in proper English; with detailed directions on how to reach from all major city centers in the Dominican. And yet, the guy behind the counter keeps insisting that none of the Caribe Tours bus lines stop at my destination. Thankfully, he offers an alternative-Transporto del Cibao; which is actually little more than a piece of plywood sticking out of a doorway...oh & they don't open until noon and it's 10:15. Much of travel is waiting. My entire day so far was waiting. Woke up, got ready. Waited for the other girls to wake; waited for breakfast; waited for my taxi; waited for my turn at the counter and now waiting for the next office to open. Most of life is spent that way and not just on the small things. As kids we wait to grow up and as adults we wait for those accomplishments that we yearn for: job, house, marriage, kids. Ultimately we grow old and wait some more for our final destination; whatever we believe that do be. What happens in between the destinations is the meaty part of living. We always feel like we need to be doing. So we listen to music, read a book, write a blog post; anything to keep us from just existing in a place with no purpose outside of waiting; of just being in a moment. The simplest thing- Do nothing. Just be here.-is the biggest challenge in life. But this trip is about meeting those challenges. So I will log off and just be and experience the heat that threatens to overwhelm me; the creeping anxiety of not knowing exactly what I'm doing; the nervousness of being alone in a foreign place and the thrill of feeling that spark of adventure.
Below: The bus "office"in Santiago; in the bus-chickens in a pillowcase; mosaic street art in Santiago,sun setting over the mountains at Rancho Wendy.
Below: The bus "office"in Santiago; in the bus-chickens in a pillowcase; mosaic street art in Santiago,sun setting over the mountains at Rancho Wendy.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Limits vs. Limitations
We are all just bumbling around trying to get love from and be loved by those around us. It's all positively tragic because if we just loved ourselves the rest might just fall into place.
Today was road trip day to the Blue Lagoon. Like many trips it was far from direct. 1st stop was a sad little "zoo" where a couple of 10 year old Dominican boys helped us hold a rattlesnake; a baby hawk with 1 great majestic wing and 1 shrunken clipped wing; and poked at a crocodile in a cement cell until it snapped and showed us its teeth. The day was not looking promising. Then it was off to a wonderful farm were we sucked on cacao seeds, guanabana & coconut straight from the tree and that was all before the fresh fruits with honey that was served as our breakfast. My favorite was the banana sprinkled with a mixture of 80% fresh cocoa & 20 percent sugar. Genius! Moving forward, I am sprinkling this on all my fruit. Then it was off to sample the coastal beauty of Playa Calleton & Playa Grande; then a waterfall where a line of lithe Dominican boys jumped off the sloping edge for tip money and then FINALLY to the Blue Lagoon.
Lest I forget I was on a mission of growth and not purely sight-seeing; the universe provided me with another chance to fight the fat girl fear I have been harboring for decades. A zip line. Over the water. *gulp* . I couldn't do it. Again 1 by 1; the girls whooped as they hung for dear life from the makeshift zip-line (basically some handlebars rigged through a nylon cord) until they reached high above the center of the lagoon and let go into the cool fresh waters below. The fear was real. This time there was no safety net. My mind was chock full of images of me unable to hold on and tumbling down; my body limply bouncing off the rocky edge until it met the water with a low thud...ya...I'm not doing that.
No worries. There was another option. A jump, off of a clearing, straight down. No fuss, No rocky edge. Just run into the air. I was scared. I didn't want to do it. I had to do it. A big middle finger to the fear inside me. My friend counting down behind me. 5...4... God it looked like a long way down...3...2...
It wasn't like I had never done this before. Some years back I had somehow managed to jump off a 25ft cliff at Rick's Cafe in Negril, Jamaica. Again, with the help of the crowd counting down behind me. Once was enough. I had vowed, never again.
Here I was...again. The fear felt silly; surmountable. I had to push past the limits of my fear.
...1...
I closed my eyes and felt the air rush around me. a moment of stillness. my heart in my throat. then...
SMACK!
My "culo" hitting the water. I knew right away; I was not coming out of this jump unscathed. Still even as I felt my back seize up while navigating my way back to dry land; I felt victorious. And then I remembered. Years back in Negril, after my jump, I had bruised my coccyx and couldn't sit properly for the next 6 weeks. I had pushed past my limits and was ecstatic. But I had also failed to recognize my limitations. I'm just not a girl who can jump from great heights; at least not physically. And that is OK. The question is, how do you determine a limit that you must push past from a limitation or restriction whether physical or other? Don't know if I have that one figured out yet. Some lessons need more than one chance before sticking. But today as I care for my bruised bottom and soaring ego, I can say with conviction this time...Never again.
It's so hard to load photos from here but here I am with the baby hawk.
Hoping to load more pics soon!
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Wanting to fly...but scared to try
Childhood so fantastically screws each & every one of us...for life. Or so it seems. And for me the moments that come back &mess with me are not the the big ones..the epic highs or dramatic lows but quiet moments; seemingly insignificant moments that burrow into your psyche and unconsciously establish your sense of self. The presidential physical fitness challenge is one of those such moments haunts me to this day. For those who missed out on it, the presidential physical fitness challenge was a standardized fitness test they did at school that measured your developing strength, speed etc. It included things like sit-ups, push-ups and shuttle runs. Seems harmless enough.
I must have been 12 or 13 years old. The task looked unbelievably hard yet I watched as person after person stood before me readily holding the bar in front of them overhand grip, with elbows bent. The challenge was to see how long you could hold yourself up in this pull-up position without letting your chin fall below the bar or dropping your arms. I thought it looked hard. Everyone was doing it for at least 30 seconds. Maybe it wasn't that hard. I was after Marissa Scopa; blond, bubbly, tiny, popular, a cheerleader. She held on for over a minute and 30 seconds. Everyone was impressed. I was supposed to follow that performance; nerdy, chubby, weak, me. I climbed up, held onto the bar and attempted my best flexed arm hang. It didn't last very long. Actually, it didn't last at all. To add insult to injury; Marissa (I'm-freaking-part-monkey) Scopa was holding the stop watch.
"um...what was that? 1 second"
The gym teacher allowed me a 2nd attempt. I mustered all the mental & physical strength I had. I was prepared now. The 1st time didn't count. I hadn't known what to expect. I had wisdom on my side now. But little else. Again, I dropped immediately...like an anchor. And so my time was recorded, graciously, at 1 second.
Although that moment was over 20 years ago; I felt the exact same way today when I encountered the flying trapeze at the Extreme Hotel in Cabarete. Yup, Extreme Hotel; offering a skate park and circus grounds right next to the pool. The girls I was traveling with were acquaintances at best. We didn't hang in the same circle but had some of the same friends. They had been nothing but nice and kind to me; allowing me to stay with them and become part of their group. The guys working the trapeze had offered a free try to one of them. So now, there was a chasm between us. They were the Marissa Scopa's of the world and I was..well..I was still the 13 year old version of me. I watched as they, one by one, put on the harness belt; climbed up the ladder; got in position and let go. I watched as they each went flying through the air; holding onto the bar as they swung gracefully back & forth before dropping into the net below, walking to the edge and somersaulting over and out of the trapeze net. It looked like a piece of cake when they did it. I knew better. Everyone thought I wasn't doing it because I was scared of heights but that wasn't what I was scared of. I was scared of being in yet another situation where I was the fat girl who couldn't do that thing everyone else did.
I am always acutely aware of being the biggest girl in the room. That is how I see myself. It happens immediately; automatically. It doesn't seem negative. It's just a objective ordered practice. But it affects me negatively. I boil my self worth down to a number on a scale. And it always keeps me from doing things. Taking my cover-up off at the beach or flirting with the guy at the bar or trying my hand at the flying trapeze. This trip is supposed to be about trying to break free from those things that are keeping me down. And the way I see myself in relation to others is not serving me at all. There are so many other ways to see myself outside of pure body mass. Why not compare intellect, or wit, or ability to stand on 1 leg? Or how about not comparing at all? How about just being? Each one of us is forever destined to be larger or thinner than someone else; taller or shorter; smarter or dumber, but you are always going to be you in the world. Why not connect instead of compare? That's where the work is. Who knows, I may revisit the trapeze elsewhere along my travels and the next time I will climb up, hold on and most importantly...let go.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
I've got a new name!
via/ˈvīə/
Traveling through (a place) en route to a destinationvia (in Italian pronounced vee-ah)
Way, street, road. e.g. Via Condotti.
Also means away. e. g. vai via go away
Can be used as a command to mean go. via!
Thanks everyone for all of your helpful (& not so helpful) suggestions for the new incarnation of my blog. As you can see I have decided on "Via Cristina". It's the perfect word for me. After all it's a word both in English & Italian; although originally made in Italy...just like me! The above definitions speak for themselves. I am most certainly on a route to a destination, albeit both the route and the destination are unclear to me at the point. But I am traveling through...through the world, through this life, through my comfort zones hopefully. Maybe I'm not even searching for a destination but rather searching for the edge; pushing my own boundaries; moving toward a horizon that will open up to a new frontier. No matter how far my travels, whether it be a neighboring island; like North Caicos, or across the other side of the world; like Hong Kong, I will still be home. I will still be firmly living on Via Cristina. And so with this new identity and spirit and focus it is time to set off and go!
Via!
...Cristina :o)
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
The Caribbean Queen needs a new name
I began this blog about 3 & a half years ago first and foremost as a means to keep in touch with my friends but also to keep perspective as I transitioned from the "urban jungle" to the "island life". As with most things, I started with excitement and passion; certain that this would become an intimate online chronicle of my new life. The reality was a tad different. I quickly found that facebook was a much simpler and less involved way of keeping in touch with people. It's much easier to post a status update that simply says "poo! :(" rather than to coherently try and explain in prose why your day sucked. And so the blog quickly faltered.
Now I find myself at a similar juncture; moving from "island life" to "professional vagabond"; traveling the world on a journey that I hope will be as much about experiencing the new places around me as it will be about discovering the frontiers within.
Change is good and the next 6 months of my life is going to be all about it. Changing places, countries, culture, people. Changing planes, trains, buses, cars, ferries. Changing clothes, schedules, thoughts, goals. Changing perspective. And so it seems only fitting that the name of this blog change with it. I will no longer be a caribbean queen but a gypsy traveler; a child of the world. Following is what I have come up with so far. Let me know what you think or suggest your own name. What should I call the new incarnation of my blog?
Travel...in
Wanderings within
Sightseeker
Soul Drifter
Now I find myself at a similar juncture; moving from "island life" to "professional vagabond"; traveling the world on a journey that I hope will be as much about experiencing the new places around me as it will be about discovering the frontiers within.
Change is good and the next 6 months of my life is going to be all about it. Changing places, countries, culture, people. Changing planes, trains, buses, cars, ferries. Changing clothes, schedules, thoughts, goals. Changing perspective. And so it seems only fitting that the name of this blog change with it. I will no longer be a caribbean queen but a gypsy traveler; a child of the world. Following is what I have come up with so far. Let me know what you think or suggest your own name. What should I call the new incarnation of my blog?
Travel...in
Wanderings within
Sightseeker
Soul Drifter
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Reverb11 Day 31 Fiesta (celebration)
What are you celebrating today? What will you celebrate in 2012?
Today I am celebrating making it through this month of blogging. I may not have always been timely but there is always a festive mood when you complete a goal. I put myself out there in a way I have not in quite some time. This project of writing and publishing my thoughts and hopes and fears about the year that has passed and the one that has yet to arrive; it was emotional. It's one thing to look back and reflect or to look forward and set goals; it's another to share it & I have tried to do so honestly. Sometimes I edited but sometimes I hit publish before I had to time to think it.
I'm celebrating getting through the tough times this year. I'm celebrating the highs. I'm celebrating the fruition of some things that I have been working on for a long time. I'm celebrating my growth and celebrating my failures too. What will I celebrate in 2012? God, who knows! I don't know that I could have predicted the twists and turns of this year in Dec. 2010 so I am wise enough not to make predictions now. I only hope that I keep turning my attention to those things which bring me joy and continue to part with those things that are no longer useful to me.
Today I am celebrating making it through this month of blogging. I may not have always been timely but there is always a festive mood when you complete a goal. I put myself out there in a way I have not in quite some time. This project of writing and publishing my thoughts and hopes and fears about the year that has passed and the one that has yet to arrive; it was emotional. It's one thing to look back and reflect or to look forward and set goals; it's another to share it & I have tried to do so honestly. Sometimes I edited but sometimes I hit publish before I had to time to think it.
I'm celebrating getting through the tough times this year. I'm celebrating the highs. I'm celebrating the fruition of some things that I have been working on for a long time. I'm celebrating my growth and celebrating my failures too. What will I celebrate in 2012? God, who knows! I don't know that I could have predicted the twists and turns of this year in Dec. 2010 so I am wise enough not to make predictions now. I only hope that I keep turning my attention to those things which bring me joy and continue to part with those things that are no longer useful to me.
Reverb11 Day 30 Karuna (Compassion)
Here at Yoga Freedom, our motto is “compassion + action.” What compassionate actions do you aspire to in the coming twelve months?
Whenever you start exploring spirituality, whatever path you choose, compassion always appears as a central tenet. The yogic path is no exception, speaking of compassion regularly. I have been thinking a lot about it lately; having compassion for myself and others. I have found that when I struggle with my life instead of accepting what is, I become quick to judge and harbor resentment; first for others and then I start feeling bad about that and turn that judgement inward. Whether it is snapping at an incompetent waitress or shutting down at work or purposely ignoring someone who is trying to reach out to me, it becomes a vicious cycle. One that serves to separate me from the world around me rather than connect me to it. And that is an integral component of compassion. It connects you to those around you by not only recognizing their experience but spurring action. You see when you have compassion, it is not enough to simply to understand or sympathize with someone else's suffering but to foster a desire to alleviate it.
My desire is to have compassion be a focus of my life in 2012. And as with everything, I will start with myself and try to have compassion when I encounter my perceived shortcomings. If I can give myself a break when I make an error or hurt someone else, then I will be better able to extend that same break to someone else. The biggest hurdle is to have compassion for someone who is causing you pain or has hurt you in the past. I recently learned about "non-violent communication". The guy who invented it Marshall B. Rosenberg, is kind of amazing. Listening to him speak was a life changer. He has gone into war-torn countries, fortune 500 companies and tribal communities and diffused situations by just using loving compassionate words. He said something that struck me.
"All perceived insults and criticisms are just a tragic expression of an unmet need." Isn't that beautiful? When you truly sit with it and have that has a core belief, you can start to see all negativity as cries for help and from that place, compassion can arise. I'm certainly no expert. Not even close. But maybe in 2012 I will only ever try to hear "please" when negative people or situations enter my world and try to respond with "how can I help".
Whenever you start exploring spirituality, whatever path you choose, compassion always appears as a central tenet. The yogic path is no exception, speaking of compassion regularly. I have been thinking a lot about it lately; having compassion for myself and others. I have found that when I struggle with my life instead of accepting what is, I become quick to judge and harbor resentment; first for others and then I start feeling bad about that and turn that judgement inward. Whether it is snapping at an incompetent waitress or shutting down at work or purposely ignoring someone who is trying to reach out to me, it becomes a vicious cycle. One that serves to separate me from the world around me rather than connect me to it. And that is an integral component of compassion. It connects you to those around you by not only recognizing their experience but spurring action. You see when you have compassion, it is not enough to simply to understand or sympathize with someone else's suffering but to foster a desire to alleviate it.
My desire is to have compassion be a focus of my life in 2012. And as with everything, I will start with myself and try to have compassion when I encounter my perceived shortcomings. If I can give myself a break when I make an error or hurt someone else, then I will be better able to extend that same break to someone else. The biggest hurdle is to have compassion for someone who is causing you pain or has hurt you in the past. I recently learned about "non-violent communication". The guy who invented it Marshall B. Rosenberg, is kind of amazing. Listening to him speak was a life changer. He has gone into war-torn countries, fortune 500 companies and tribal communities and diffused situations by just using loving compassionate words. He said something that struck me.
"All perceived insults and criticisms are just a tragic expression of an unmet need." Isn't that beautiful? When you truly sit with it and have that has a core belief, you can start to see all negativity as cries for help and from that place, compassion can arise. I'm certainly no expert. Not even close. But maybe in 2012 I will only ever try to hear "please" when negative people or situations enter my world and try to respond with "how can I help".
Reverb11 Day 29 Poesia (poetry)
Write a poem. It doesn’t have to rhyme.
"Write a poem it doesn't have to rhyme
Write a song it doesn't have to be in time
All it takes is a moment of stillness
A moment of realness
To look inside and see beyond
Sing from your heart
Write from your wisdom
Share from your soul
Let love be your anthem"
"Write a poem it doesn't have to rhyme
Write a song it doesn't have to be in time
All it takes is a moment of stillness
A moment of realness
To look inside and see beyond
Sing from your heart
Write from your wisdom
Share from your soul
Let love be your anthem"
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