Reverb11 DAY 14 Jnana (self-knowledge)

Name something you did that was completely out of character. How did it feel?

Taking a 5 week vacation was completely out of character for me.  I have always been a workhorse.  I remember my friend confronting me about it because whenever she came and visited me in NY, I would always try to sandwich her visit into my schedule saying, "I only have 2 days off"; "I really can't afford to take the weekend off, They really need me" and any number of other seemingly important reasons.  You see, I come from a family of immigrants and blue collar workers.  People who believed the way to get ahead was to work more, work harder.  And they did.  And it was.  My parents bought a home, cars, put three children through school and are still trying to help us out from time to time.  And although my father is technically retired and was told to take it easy by his cardiologist after having a heart attack; he still goes to work almost every day at the same job he's had since we moved to the USA 29 yrs ago.  I remember when I was a kid, my father sitting at the kitchen table lecturing me about "diritti e dovere"; "rights and duties".  He explained that all I wanted was my rights; to be free, have fun, hang out with my friends.  But those things did not come automatically and did not come before my duties as a daughter (obeying my parents) and student (studying hard).  Not surprisingly, I did not agree.  Finding happiness was more important.  Expressing your soul's true passion in life was more important.  And yet; as I grew older and started making my own decisions, no matter how much I tried to live an unconventional life; far from the oppressive regimen my parents tried to enforce, I found more and more that their ideals had become my ideals.  Becoming a model worker was just one manifestation of that.  
When I first started thinking about taking over a month off from work; it felt incredibly selfish and indulgent.  But I felt this experience would only improve my quality of life and help me return to my work with a new, fresh perspective.  So I lived with that uncomfortable feeling and just did it.  And it was the best possible decision for me.  I no longer feel like I have to do everything that is asked of me or sacrifice for the good of my job.  Don't get me wrong, I still work hard; but I think I'll be taking every last one of my vacation days this year...mmm...and maybe then some!